Am I willing?

For this one, there won't really be any stories. Although, i might tell one....
But this is just my thoughts and prayers from my devotional time a couple days ago.
I was reading a devo book my mom gave me for Christmas and I came across a reading in it that specifically touched on the issue of giving ourselves completely to God. Being here in India, I've really come face to face with the reality that I'm so comfortable, so unstretched, and even though, yes i have been through hard things, I've never been without the things I need....or even the things that are comfortable. While at the same time, there is still so much that I'm holding onto. Refusing to let go of because it makes me feel "safe."
I spent a lot of time that day praying through all of it. Everything that was brought to mind. I really want to be completely surrendered to God. I don't want to hold onto my bitterness because it makes me feel good or i'm making someone "pay" for what they did. I don't want to hold onto my guilt and shame for the choices I've made in the past. Even though, yes I have come a VERY long way from the person that i was 3 1/2 years ago, there are still times when guilt and shame of it all creeps up on me.
I'm choosing day by day, to release everything to God. Everything that I want to hold onto. I can't be compeltely who I have been created to be unless i'm willing to surrender everything. the good and the bad. Which, honestly i find it much easier to surrender the good things to God, becuase He is so, so good!!!
It hurts and it's scary, because it's causing me to be vulnerable. And I've made myself open to all the girls here. The older ones have all asked to hear my story, so I've shared it...with very little detail, but I've told them that if they have any questions at all, I will be completely open with them. Ahh!! a little scary for me!! But what better way to share who God is and what He has done?